Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Reverb11, no. 2 | One Word

Reverb11, no. 2 | One Word: Pick one word that encapsulates 2011.

Contemplation. An inactive word, yes. And, perhaps such a passive noun is a sad choice for a word meant to describe one's entire year. And, yes, it is very true that as an intuitive introvert personality-type, much of every year of my life, past and future, could and will fall under the word: Contemplation. Or, Rumination. Or, even, Reverie. I am a thinker. I'm not sure that I look like much of a thinker and, true, if asked by my spouse, "What are you thinking?," I generally fail to come up with an answer that's not food-related, but thinker I am. I think.

It doesn't bother me, though, that this has been a year more of musing than action. Because, and this is exciting, all this pondering has led to some very real epiphanies about myself and my goals. In fact, for the first time since working toward a ballet solo when I was 17, I have goals--real, realistic goals. I have even managed to abstract the skeleton form of a plan toward reaching those goals.

I suddenly, this year, at age 27, know what I want out of life. I know what I want to do, how I want to live. Without going into too much detail, I have been ruminating on the Industry of Me. I have been musing on my potential, my ability, and how far short I have been falling. I know now that what I want is to live a purer, more earnest life, that I want to create and nurture and grow, that my very own hands are wunderkinds, they're long and spindly and strong, and I should be giving them more to do. I know now what I need and do not need in my life; I'm finally listening to this call, this nudging.

So, perhaps next year's word will be something more active, like Design or Intention. Perhaps, even, Pride or Deliberation. But, that would not be possible without this daydreamy, meditative year of long looks in the mirror and longer bus rides.

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