365 | well I'll be damned

014/365 | Monday 18 November 2019, Grandma's 72nd Birthday - He Who Kept Me Up All Night, Yowling and Rattling Doors

015/365 | Tuesday 19 November 2019, Cary - This flight suit was packed away with clothes too big for Mads. Only, clearly, the jumpsuit isn't too big for Mads; it is, in fact, just a touch too small. The realization that my baby isn't a Small anymore but a Medium hit me hard.

016/365 | Wednesday 20 November 2019, Doc Holliday & the Furbies, Grandma's house - Even for my grandparents the impeachment hearings have lost their draw. Grandpa switches channels, flipping from Fox News to Midsommer Murders on PBS.

017/365 | Thursday 21 November 2019, Cary Towne Center - Currently Reading: Free to Learn by Peter Gray. "The things children learn through their own initiatives, in free play, cannot be taught in other ways."

018/365 | Friday 22 November 2019, Apex - Mads sings, "Mommies are the worst!" at the tail end of our walk because I will not carry him. "You don't know what it's like to be me," he says, philosophically, angrily.

019/365| Saturday 23 November 2019, Cary - I'm on the phone with Wolfman, my love. I remind him, we survived that first rocky year of marriage and that first tormented, sleepless year with a new born. I say, for my own benefit more than his, if we can survive our failed attempt at off-grid living and this subsequent two-month separation while we get our ducks in a row, we'll die old together. He doesn't want to die old, but I insist on it.

020/365 | Sunday 24 November 2019 - Kath writes of her grandmother-in-law, "She does that thing some older women (I guess, really, some of all women) do where they always seem to be apologizing for their presence and existence while also refusing to stop adamantly loving/worrying about you." This describes my own grandmother, too. I always have to remind myself when I'm feeling oppressed by her worry that this is a privelege, a blessing, to be loved and worried over.

021/365 | Monday 25 November 2019 - Kombucha is the closest thing to drinking a beer at work. I drink a lot of kombucha at work.

022/365 | Tuesday 26 November 2019 - Wolfman Was Here.

023/365 | Wednesday 27 November 2019 - I like watching movies about women with Type A personalities. I find the idea of a woman having her shit together--even if the point the movie tries to make is that her rigidity is a personality flaw and must be remedied by some roguish man with a big dick (probably)--aspirational. 

024/365 | Thursday 28 November 2019, Thanksgiving - My little brothers, Jordan and Josh, stopped by the house today. I can't get over how grown up they are. (Josh has a mustache.) They showed me a picture of our little sister, Savannah--now a teenager; the last time I saw her she was barely in elementary school. She looks so much like our mother now, I gasped. Grandpa looked at the photo and said, "Well I'll be damned."

025/365 | Friday 29 November 2019 - Here was our Thanksgiving menu: turkey (by Wolfman), stuffing (Grandma's recipe), collards (Wolfman's recipe), Michelle's cranberry sauce, canned cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes & gravy (by Grandma), broccoli casserole (for Grandpa), green bean casserole (for Wolfman), beer bread, deviled eggs, pumpkin pie (which I forgot to add the evaporated milk to, but it turned out just fine).

026/365 | Saturday 30 November 2019, Cary - New ballet slippers for Mads & Ella. They both wear a size 12, Mads a wide, Ella a narrow.