Tuesday, October 25, 2016

365 | do you remember the good old days before the ghost town?


Sunday 4 September 2016 | It's cool enough in the morning to put these beautiful little plaid man shirts I've been collecting for Mads to use (on both kids). 
Monday 5 September 2016, Labor Day | In the last week, Mads has very suddenly taken to potty training, his early resistance completely forgotten. The key seems to be nudity or near-nudity, all day long. I joke with Wolfman that one day, Mads will be an adult man, stripping down completely nude in a public lavatory somewhere, freaking everyone out.
Tuesday 6 September 2016 | Since the arrival of this garden spider at my doorstep, I've decided to work with Spider medicine for the next however long she stays, or however long I need her. I've never made a concentrated effort to bring an animal totem into my life and hold that space. Literally, every time I walk out my door, it is this big, beautiful orb weaver who greets me, as she does every September in recent memory (and this is not my habit toward hyperbole; my sister who lived with me in this house for nearly two years corroborated this fact). This year, I choose to believe she has a message for me.
Wednesday 7 September 2016 | Yesterday, Grandma and I took the kids to the State Farmer's Market, one of my favorite places to spend a morning. I couldn't engage, was not truly present in the moment. I was (mostly) gentle with the children, and Grandma and I had the same good conversation we usually do, but I was preoccupied with dread knowing today I'd be at work, my first training day. Monday I felt a little uncertain when I went in to fill out paper work, and during an afternoon and day off, that uncertainty morphed into full-on unease and disquietude. I don't know if this is the job for me. I want to give the job a chance (the opportunity is, really, a decent one), but, I wonder if it's just a bad fit. Maybe this fear is just new job jitters, cold feet, self-sabotage, or maybe this job is just not me. This morning, to take my mind off my mounting misgivings, I stuck my hands in dirt--repotted a big, twisted jade plant I took off Grandma's hands a year ago. Late last night found me pruning one of my ferns. These plants speak a language I'm not quite fluent in (yet), but I find immersing myself in it therapeutic nonetheless.
Thursday 8 September 2016 | More spider medicine. This jumping spider has taken up residence in our kitchen this week. Mostly, it can be spotted traversing the ceiling, but tonight it ventured onto the stove and counter (where I mistook it for a cookie crumb at first).
Friday 9 September 2016 | Lace.
Sunday 18 September 2016 | I'm trying this new thing, knowing full well that the way I adore and gaze lovingly on my son is the way I once adored and gazed lovingly on my man. Every time I reach out to kiss, caress, hug my child, I'm going to seek out Wolfman and kiss him, caress him, hug him.
Saturday 24 September 2016 | Autumn is here, and in my overgrown side yard, I find spiders' webs draped like dropped lace handkerchiefs.
Sunday 25 September 2016 | Garden Notes: finally broke up and repotted the aloe that used to be in Sierra's bedroom when she lived here. It looked so scraggly, but once I got to work on it, I discovered there was quite a bit of new growth hidden under the lip of the pot. Also, that one little Jade leaf is propagating yet another new plant, and the leaf itself hasn't even shriveled up.
Thursday 29 September 2016 | I took one of the seed pods off the Golden Raintree that borders our property and held it out to Ella. She looked at it for the briefest of moments and then announced, "I don't like that." I was so surprised I didn't ask her to elaborate.

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