Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Rumination, no. 2 | Resolutions for 2012

I make most of my resolutions on my birthday--the big resolutions, I mean--the Be A Better Human Being type of resolutions. It makes more sense to me, to start my new year at my birthday. For my 28th year living on planet earth, I resolved to start writing again (I had once, when I was younger and naive and had much more time on my hands, thought my adult livelihood would be as a professional writer; I had no other career plan). I resolved to be more independent (love makes me awfully clingy, as I am the most affectionate creature on the entire planet and expect that affection to be returned). I resolved to find a new job, get my driver's license, have picnics, take more hikes, eat vegetarian every other day, write in my journal daily, be more goal-oriented, and so on and so forth. This list of 28th Year Resolutions and contemplation thereof takes up about 6 pages in my journal. And I still have all that in mind, am still very much thinking of and re-resolving to do all these things. But, rather than skip the tradition of New Year's Resolutions altogether, I thought I'd make a new list of a just a few more goals, ranging from more abstract to much simpler in practice.

In the year 2012, I, Michelle Leigh Calamity Jane Aes Sedai Vaughn, resolve to:

1. Be more positive, or, at the very least, keep my complaints and whining to myself.

2. Develop a poker face, as my face currently and very obviously betrays each of my passing emotions, particularly the negative ones. As I'm concerned that my furrowed brow (causes include but are not limited to: heat, irritation, offense, heavy sunshine, confusion) will become a permanent wrinkle, aging me at the tender age of 27, and then a wall of disfigured muscle (like a Klingon), I resolve to actively work at keeping my face calm, collected, and serene. No longer will I need to message my forehead back into shape upon coming home after a long day. No longer will complete strangers ask me, "What's wrong?! Bad day?"

3. Pray and Meditate. Though I have not decided to exactly what I will be praying, yet, I resolve to spend a little time each day in quietude, throwing praise or questions or requests out into the universe and listening patiently for answers. This is, perhaps, among the most difficult resolutions I've ever made, as I have never in my life, not ever, prayed. The closest to praying I've ever come is my Star Light, Star Bright, First Star I See Tonight ritual with my grandma when I was a child. Perhaps that is a good place to start; what is a nursery rhyme but a chant, anyways?

4. Eat slower, as I am not a starving orphan.

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