365 | sapphires, allodynia, elves, and dragons

055/365 | Sunday 29 December 2019 - I am grateful for the little strawberry pastries my co-worker, Kirk, buys us that taste like Spring. I am grateful to all my neighbors who recognize and compliment Atalanta's beauty as I walk her. I am grateful for my dainty antique sapphire ring and the pleasant ghost of the tiny woman who wore it before me.

056/365 | Monday 30 December 2019 - Me and my little man had a rough morning together, butting heads. I was out of sorts, my feelings hurt, and then I watched him squeal and yell with delight as his kite picked up air and sailed over our heads, in the yard but especially on our walk with the dog, Mads running ahead of me (precariously, in crocs). Life is like this.

057/365 | Tuesday 31 December 2019 - Journal prompt: Who is the person you are when you're with your person? How does being in your (romantic) relationship make you feel? Who does being in your relationship make you feel you are?

058/365 | Wednesday 1 January 2020 - New year, new look.

059/365 | Thursday 2 January 2020 - I like to dip into Middle Earth at the Yuletide. We got a late start this year and powered through these, which is how this tradition began as newlyweds--all three LOTR movies on Christmas day.

060/365 | Friday 3 January 2020 - Nothing like being knocked-on-your-butt sick at the beginning of the new year.

061/365 | Saturday 4 January 2020, work - Wall! Of! Fortunes!

062/365 | Sunday 5 January 2020 - We buried Granny today. Afterwards, we picked Mads up from Grandma's house, and he was very impressed with his dad's suit. I told him, "Baby, your daddy only wears suits to funerals," which is no exaggeration (he did not even marry me in a suit). Unlike his dad, Mads appreciates the lines of a good suit and dressed in his own approximation of one when we got home. He ate a dinner of star fruit and deviled eggs and watched a Scooby Doo in a jacket and tie.

063/365 | Monday 6 January 2020 - Ludo follows us on our walks. Between the cat trailing us on our walks and the life-size skeleton on our porch, we've established ourselves as the neighborhood eccentrics in record time.

064/365 | Tuesday 7 January 2020 - Tonight Mads had me sing every single bedtime song I've ever sung him--we sang through our entire six-year catalog before the bedtime kiss.

065/365 | Wednesday 8 January 2020 - A gift from my beau, who knows me so well.

066/365 | Thursday 9 January 2020 - Atalanta Strawberry Vaughn

067/365 | Friday 10 January 2020 - Mads has been forbidden to sing Christmas songs by his exasperated father, but it doesn't stop him. I've polished off the last of the mulled wine, we've finished watching the Lord of the Rings, our Christmas decorations are tucked away in the attic, and it is a relief.

068/365 | Saturday 11 January 2020 - I try to strike a balance with the kids between firmly setting my boundaries and expectations and meeting their needs with active listening, respect, and compassion. Ella is easy. Mads is a rebel.

365 | you can say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and Grandpa, we believe

041/365 | Sunday 15 December 2019, Tutu School's Bravo Bash at NCMA, Raleigh - After the recital, we took the kids to Gypsy's Shiny Diner with Grandma, Grandmommy, and Aunt Theresa. Grandma handed me a bunch of quarters, and the kids and I picked out Christmas songs to play from the jukebox. When Mads chose "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" (one of my favorites), I teased him, "How dare you! There are three grandmothers present, sir!" 

042/365 | Monday 16 December 2019, Grandma's House - Grandma & Grandpa's master bathroom exploded early in the month (the opposite of a Christmas miracle) and now the slow re-construction and salvage has begun. Grandpa tells me his mother would've lost her mind over a toilet sitting on her front porch. She would've packed her bags and left in shame.

043/365 | Tuesday 17 December 2019, downtown Cary - Mads being rude to me consistently all morning. I take a knee and tell him he's hurt my feelings. He starts to whine and protest. I tell him, "You're not in trouble. I'm not yelling at you. I'm just telling you how I feel," which he accepts without comment.

044/365 | Wednesday 18 December 2019 - I wrote my yule cards this year sipping St Remy brandy and listening to Timi Yuro.

045/365 | Thursday 19 December 2019 - Martigan's ensemble for riding his bike to the post office with me: flight suit, motorcycle jacket, wizard cape (and dinosaur helmet because safety first).

046/365 | Friday 20 December 2019 - Today is Grandpa's 80th birthday, the 11th anniversary of my first kiss with my husband, and our first day in our new (old, rented) house.

047/365 | Saturday 21 December 2019 - Wolfman is the creator and bestower of nicknames in our house. He's the one who started calling Atalanta "Abadamba," who first called Ludo "Dude-o," and now these are practically their names. (The animals answer to these affectionate play names, recognizing the affection if not the name itself.) Lately, with Ludo's transformation to meaty outdoor bruiser, Wolfman has taken to calling him "Steve French," the name Bubbles gives to the mountain lion the Trailer Park Boys find in their weed fields.

048/365 | Sunday 22 December 2019, Apex - I ventured reluctantly to Walmart after work to do last minute shopping. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but I don't want this to happen again next year.

049/365 | Monday 23 December 2019, Work - Pepper onion relish and Laryssa's beautiful girl, Lexy, at work today. Not bad. (Better for me than Lexy, at least.)

050/365 | Tuesday 24 December 2019, Christmas Eve - Started the day with a walk, accompanied by my friendly neighborhood Batman. Then work, where we keep the Santa Trackers up on the computers, and I wear my Metalocalypse tee and eat too many sweets. Then, to my father-in-law's house where we drink rum barrel coffee and listen to Django Rhineheart. Then home, to watch Gremlins and drink mead and eat kielbasa with brussels sprouts and sauerkraut. Good Eve.

051/365 | Wednesday 25 December 2019, Christmas at Grandma's house - While my brother, Jordan, taught Mads & Wolfman to Bakugan battle, I helped Ella apply glittery temporary tattoos to her wrists like bracelets.

052/365 | Thursday 26 December 2019, Prowlandia - Still packing and cleaning up at Prowlandia. We are so scattered; this moving feels like it will never end. I'm sad standing on this property, sad it didn't work out, but relieved too, and I let all that feeling wash over me, and then I get to work.

053/365 | Friday 27 December 2019, Currently Reading - "Recognizing the structure of your pyschology doesn't mean that you can easily rebuild it. The Chamber of Unreasonable Guilt is part of my mental architecture, and I doubt that I will ever be able to renovate that particular room in this strange castle that is me."

054/365 | Saturday 28 December 2019 - There is a faded note on the dryer door, left by a previous tenant, cleaned away but the imprint remains: "I love you more today, yesterday, and tomorrow." We decided to take a note from this unknown Lothario and write each other dry erase love missives of our own. Also, a grocery list.