365 | I wish I had a river I could skate away on

027/365 | Sunday 1 December 2019, Work - I work with Christmas people. I don't know how to feel about Christmas. This time of year I waffle between being Sandra Bullock slumped over a counter, separated from humanity by a plexiglass window, wearing a stocking cap and fingerless gloves, counting change apathetically and Meg Ryan decorating her tree alone, listening to sad Joni Mitchell songs and thinking of her dead mother and failing business.

028/365 | Monday 2 December 2019, Cary - This pizza gave me a bellyache so I left the last slice as an offering to the Kids Together Playground squirrels (who have lion heads only figuratively).

029/365 | Tuesday 3 December 2019, Work - Communicating with ease, directness, humor, and aplomb today. It is Day 28 of my cycle. I often feel that the days leading up to my bleed I am at my sharpest, moving through my own life like a blade.

030/365 | Wednesday 4 December 2019, Grandma's House - I believe Entenmann's "rich frosted" chocolate donuts are the greatest donuts in existence. Mads almost agrees with me but says the Duck Donuts maple bacon "kill the chocolate ones dead."

031/365 | Thursday 5 December 2019, Bond Park - A hike with some of the homeschool group today. We started out at the back of the group but somehow ended up at the front with most of the older kids (over 10s). As Mads and the other kids stood off the trail at the water's edge, tossing rocks and examining mussels, Wolfman stood above them, dad-ing (reminding them not to throw rocks bigger than their fists and to aim carefully, guiding them, complimenting them). He can't help himself. He's been dad-ing since he was just a kid, himself.

032/365 | Friday 6 December 2019 - Photo by Mads

033/365 - Saturday 7 December 2019, Work - Santa Paws Day is like our Rex Manning Day.

034/365 | Sunday 8 December 2019, Work - Special delivery of assless chaps for Shamble Pill. I did my training for this company in early spring (2017), and one of the employees referred to the upcoming Easter holiday as "Zombie Jesus Day." I knew I'd fit in just fine.

035/365 | Monday 9 December 2019, Grandma's house - My new morning routine living at Grandma's house includes turning on the kitchen faucet for this running-water-obsessed cat, Billie Holliday. She may die of thirst when Mads and I leave for our new house in January.

036/365 | Tuesday 10 December 2019, Grandma's house - The dolls are not what they seem.

037/365 | Wednesday 11 December 2019, Cary - A teenage girl at the downtown fountain offered to take a picture of us. I wasn't sure she'd ever used an old point-and-shoot camera like mine, but she managed one perfect picture which I'll send out with my Christmas cards this year. It took until December 11th, but I'm finally feeling kind of festive, or at least less outright ba-humbuggy.

038/365 | Thursday 12 December 2019, Grandma's house - Ludo tried to leave with Wolfman, Mads, and me this afternoon. He has a bad habit of trying to hop into cars and go for rides if we let the doors linger open too long in the drive way. Wolfman carried him away, into the yard, and whispered a secret in his ear. I think I know what the secret is, but I won't say it out loud.

039/365 | Friday 13 December 2019, Apex - These two are a planet until themselves, and I am a satellite, circling them, admiring them.

040/365 | Saturday 14 December 2019 - This Fittonia has been with me since April of this year (my only pink plant). It survived two moves and then nearly perished from neglect when I forgot about it in the window of an upstairs bedroom at Grandma's house. I thought it was surely dead but soaked it in the bathroom sink, with many apologies and laments and curses against myself. And here it is, a couple days after its long drink, very much alive and very forgiving.

July Joys & Favorites | just leave me to do my dark bidding on the internet

| Joys |

Independence Day! We celebrated the 4th at Grandma's house with grilled brats and corn-on-the-cob and backyard fireworks. Grandma's neighbor gave the kids these balloons, and I am so grateful for this neighborly gesture. More even than the fireworks, this was the part of the afternoon Mads and Ella loved most--running through and bouncing off of a bouquet of balloons.

Fuquay-Varina Splash Park! I think perhaps we adults enjoy this place more than the kids. They're still small enough that getting a spray of water to the face is not always an entirely pleasant surprise. But, it's not far from our house, the kids get to expel some of that destructive 3-year-old energy, and it's a great way to cool off in this heat. My only complaint is that of a vampire: I wish it were shaded.

Batmobile! Martigan's Grandmommy and Grandpa Tommy spoiled him royally with his own batmobile (it's black, so it is a batmobile). He drove it furiously for two days before the battery stopped holding a charge, but what a glorious two days (we'll buy a new battery soon; honestly, I'm enjoying the break from the car).

Oak Island! We're not beach people; we're not good at beaching. We always get it wrong, never give ourselves enough time. But, once we get close enough to an ocean, my compulsion toward it becomes an unassailable, tangible thing, a tether that tugs. We're not beach people, but every time we stand in the sand staring at the ocean, we discuss the possibility of moving to an island and becoming fisherpeople. Or merpeople.

Interviews! I truly do loathe job searching. It is among my least favorite experiences, right up there with depression and giving birth, which perhaps is why in the past I've often stayed stuck in a job that didn't suit me or my talents for far too long (years). Unemployment would be a breeze were it not for the fact that I have to spend so many hours a day searching for a new job. But, I must admit, I've been really lucky in my interviews thus far--businesses for which I can see myself working and excelling, businesses for which I feel optimistic and enthusiastic. And, even were they not businesses that seemed to fit me, how lucky I feel just to be granted opportunities to interview.

| Favorites | 

| Recipe | Not Ice Cream! Mads and I have indulged in this recipe nearly every afternoon, sitting on the back deck or front porch (whichever is shadiest at whichever hour). So simple: one frozen banana, half an avocado, a handful of frozen berries, and enough yogurt or coconut water to get it all blended. A thousand imaginable variations. (A food processor works better than a blender, unless you're working with peanut butter--peanut butter is impossible in a food processor.)

| Kid Craft/Play | Moon Sand! I've mentioned this already in my last Project 365 update, but it's just not a North Carolina summer if you don't hear me complaining about it: it is too hot to be outside. I am not just being a hyperbolic whiner; various heat advisories in our local papers and radio station bulletins back me up on this. And any parent, grandparent, child carer can tell you that keeping 3-year-olds cooped up indoors for too long is a dangerous play, particularly when they are together (think Lord of the Flies, but with all your collectibles in the cross fire). This recipe is relatively simple to throw together and cheap (just 4 cups of flour and 1/2 cup of baby oil--recipe found here). It's messy, but I'm a mom; I'm impervious to mess.

| Product | Boogie Wipes! Mads and I were briefly sick this month. Again. I don't know how anybody survived a persistently runny nose before Boogie Wipes. They are so worth the however much they cost--it doesn't even matter, I won't blow my nose on anything else.

| Movie | What We Do In The Shadows! After my fifth time watching this in a row, I think it became pretty official that this is one of my all-time favorite movies. Like, I would get a tattoo of Jemaine Clement as Vlad the vampire as a cat.
| Show | Stranger Things! Typically, Wolfman and I are at least two years behind everyone else in our television consumption. It's a nice place to be--we already know what happens on any given show, we know what critics thought of it, what audiences thought of it, and we've decided we don't give a shit about any of that and don't mind wasting (or not wasting) our time on it. Stranger Things, however, is very new. The only thing I knew about the show came from a tweet which described it as "Twin Peaks meets Goonies." Having seen it, I don't think that's an accurate description, but only because it's something better and more interesting than a rehash of other things. (I will say, though, that it has a just a touch of John Carpenter Halloween to it.) However, part of what makes it so lovely is that Stranger Things definitely gives you all the feelings you feel while watching ET or Goonies or Stand By Me or any other beloved 80's movie featuring a group of boys coming-of-age. It feels wholesome. Scary, weird, wholesome: some of my very favorite adjectives. And, god, how beautiful are David Harbour and Winona Ryder. I've always liked Winona Ryder (I'll get a tattoo of Lydia Deetz right next to my Vlad-as-cat), but she is a complete revelation to me in this show. Her crazy eyes, the way she stabs the air with her cigarette and walks with a hunch, I just completely, utterly love her performance. And now, because Wolfman and I are riding the zeitgeist this time, we have to wait for season two. In classic first-in-a-franchise horror movie style, season one did not quite wrap up, and I could not be happier. | Links & Etc. | On Instagram, I've been particularly taken with @nurturingnova--her account is so chill and joyful and beautifully cultivated. | I've been following Julia Dreads on Youtube for a while, but this month she's increased her output, and her daily vlog videos are the prettiest dailies I've seen. | Recently discovered Drew Monson on Youtube, and though it took me a few videos before I'd made up my mind, I do think he's very funny. But, it's his videos discussing his struggles with depression that I find most impressive, perhaps because they're vulnerable, but more because they're real, and I don't often hear people discuss depression in a way that feels real. | "Literally, right now my body is heavy. It just had a child. My tits are bigger. My stomach is, you know, still soft and giant. And there's this part of me that's going, 'you're going to look kind of ugly,' and then there's that wiser voice that goes, like, 'no you're not. You just had a child. You're going to look real. You're going to look like the thing that you are.'" Love this Amanda Palmer's Style Like U strip interview. | Loved the TED Radio Hour episode "Animals & Us" and recommend it if you have animal companions. | I want this to be a real thing: Mom Tiger Will Finally Lose Her Shit on New Episode of Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood

@JoannaDeVoe Amanda Palmer is my patron saint of Fuck This I'm Doing It My Way If You Dont Like It Boo-Fucking-Hoo. #saintofnoapologies

— thewolfpeople (@thewolfpeople) July 12, 2016