Just Joy | any world is my world, every world is our world

Moments of Joy:

• Outside, in the back yard, after the sun has fallen, my menfolk and me. Wolfman has built a fire in the pit and is cooking up some chicken. He tells me that the combined smells of wood fire, tobacco, and cooking meat reminds him of his days (nights) volunteering at the Renaissance Festival. Wood smoke reminds me of being a girl, roasting hot dogs on sticks, on rock hunting trips with my parents. I share a couple drags of Wolfman's cigarette. Mads tries throwing sticks to Lunchbox.
• Wolfman and I are tucking Mads into bed, reviewing all the things he's thankful for, contemplating all the things he'll dream about, and are joined by both Lunchbox and Thorn--the whole family together and quiet and getting sleepy.
• Sitting in a class room at the science museum, my niece beside me still and studious, my wild son wiggling at my feet, the speaker/handler for this "meet the animals" session pulls a blanket off a tank on the floor to reveal a two foot baby alligator. Mads had been insisting the blanket-covered object was a present for him. But now I realize it was a present for me because my breath catches in my throat and a thrill of delight travels through my body and I can't believe how beautiful and perfect this creature is--this ornery, wiggly little Seth, exactly like my ornery, wiggly little Mads.
• I walk into the dark bedroom where Wolfman is taking a rare afternoon nap to put away laundry. I hear him mumble, "Woman. Come hither," and I lay next to him for just a couple stolen minutes, his arms around me, his body so warm.
• Perhaps because I got my driver's license late (relatively speaking), or maybe because there's an undeniable bit of transience in my soul, the experience of being alone in a car, driving with the radio turned on to any old station, any old song, really, is a profoundly blissful one. Today I drove to work under a blue sky listening to The Doors, watching a lone vulture gliding up the road ahead of me. Tonight I sang along to a Duran Duran song an old friend once put on a mix CD for me, and thought how beautiful the road is at night, lit by my headlights.
• Watching the Joe Wright Pride and Prejudice, alone, after my menfolk have gone to bed, I cry, happily, tears and snot all over my face, happily.

"Ordinary World," Duran Duran

Thankful Thursday | the spirit winds

I am Grateful:

• to Jared, for getting Mads in to see a doctor while I was stuck at work worrying, for antibiotics, that my baby wasn't (and isn't) seriously ill.
• for leftover Christmas chocolate.
• that when I spill coffee down my front, it is caught in my camo-print scarf and, indeed, camouflaged.
• for being able to get lost in my work when I otherwise feel like a raw nerve.
• for compliments from strangers.
• for lemon rosemary rotisserie chicken, pieced and cold for lunch, and I am grateful to Grandma for insisting on taking me to Fresh Market for the good rotisserie chicken.
• for stars as they pass, for the recollection of how their work and art has touched and formed my life, for the affection I have felt for them, though we never met.
• to discuss books and ideas with Wolfman, to be intellectually stimulated by my partner daily, to know and have reinforced daily that it was, in part, his big ol' brain that I fell in love with first.
• to Sandra and Tommy for helping us in the continuance of the Brunhilde Repair Saga, for leaving their Acura behind for us to borrow, for taking our Xtera away to be looked at for a very fair price, to Sandra for bringing Mads a bird nest from her yard, found that morning, and holding it in the palm of her hand while explaining to Mads that it once was a home for baby birds.
• when Jared comes by the store to pick me up from work and mentions an idea of mine to April, who stops what she's doing to attend the idea, which impresses Jared muchly, which impresses me; I am grateful for such an excellent, supportive boss.
• for the mall employee discount at Firestone.
• for the visit from Christina and baby Joshua (just 7 weeks old!) at work, and all the baby talk, and all the baby nostalgia.
• Tuesday's brief snow did not stick to the ground and lasted only a few minutes.
• to learn from our neighbor that Woodrow has, indeed, found a new home, and not only that but a home in which he is being spoiled, babied, and adored.
• to the customer at the shop who took her little dog, Lily, out of her pet stroller for Martigan's benefit.
• for Wolfman's bacon chocolate chip cookies and his pursuit of the perfection of that recipe, the rewards of which I reap.
• for a good-looking husband who also makes good waffles.
• listening to Buckethead's "The Spirit Winds" while watching my beautiful clothes twisting and turning in the cold wind outside.
• to watch my little boy running--for his strong legs, his strong body.

"The Spirit Winds," Buckethead

The Wolfwardrobe | had we heard the sounds of laughter that dangerous women make?

Scarf (on head) - The Metropolitan Museum of Art, gift (Grandma, thrifted) | Jacket - Christopher & Banks | Tank - American Eagle Outfitters, resale (BeYOUtiful Butterfly's Butterfly Exchange) | Cargos - Ralph Lauren, resale (BeYOUtiful Butterfly's Butterfly Exchange) | Boots - Restricted (Burlington Coat Factory)

Blouse - Caviar, second-hand (Grandma, thrifted) | Dress - Jones New York, second-hand (Grandma, thrifted) | Boots - Nine West, resale (BeYOUtiful Butterfly's Butterfly Exchange)

Scarf (on head) - Laurie Cabot, gift (Grandma, The Pyramid Collection) | Cardigan - Christopher & Banks | Tunic - D.F.A. New York, thrifted (GCF) | Leggings - Martini LA (BeYOUtiful Butterfly Boutique) | Boots - Gia Mia, second-hand (Grandma, thrifted)

"Ballad of the Weird Sisters," Blood Ceremony

Photo Journal | 365 | just leave me here before the grace of everything divine

086/365 - Monday 25 January 2016 | Wolfman sits Martigan on his lap with the guitar every day. How musical this little boy is astonishes me, as do so many things about him. These are his dad's genes--Martigan's talent, his good looks, his affection, and 73% of his smarts.

087/365 - Tuesday 26 January 2016 | Sunrise.

088/365 - Wednesday 27 January 2016 | Accidental favorite photo.

089/365 - Thursday 28 January 2016 | I mentioned reading up on etiquette and manners to my co-worker, Chase, and he joked, "We'll turn you into a people person yet!" It is a little strange, looking at my life currently, to realize I'm in the service trenches. A lot of my job is quietly beautifying, sure, and then a lot of it is politely nodding and enthusiastically answering inquiries I've heard thousands, no trillions, of times. 

090/365 - Friday 29 January 2016, Court Day | Jasmine green tea and journaling after a long, long day in court.

091/365 - Saturday 30 January 2016 | Some of the more unique pieces in my collection, capturing the light just right.

092/365 - Sunday 31 January 2016, Day Off | Lunchbox is as handsome as he is smelly.

"Adolescence," Brown Bird

Madmartigan, 2 Years Old | no his mind is not for rent to any god or government, always hopeful yet discontent

"Mommy! Look at me!"

About Mads, 2 1/2 years old:

• He loved riding around in our rental car in early January. He referred to it as "my new red car," and told everyone sadly, "my red car all gone," after we returned it.
• He sings along to songs now, like "Rebel Rebel" (singing, gleefully, "hot tramp") and "Another One Bites the Dust."
• He is obsessed with his back pack. He loves zipping and unzipping all the pockets, taking things out, putting them back in. He tries wearing his back pack, though it is comically much too big.
• Martigan says, "You're ridiculous!"
• Martigan says, "I not got a tail. Lunchbox has a tail. I got a butt and a penis."
• He still does not sleep through the night.
• Martigan announces, "I want to be king!" and puts Lunchbox's anti-chew collar over his head.
• Martigan says, "Mommy, you got sharps on you. They hurt me!" when his foot brushes against my leg in bed one morning.
• At the breakfast table one morning Mads looks at the crust on his toast and tells us, "I can't like this." After Wolfman breaks the toast in half to expose the jelly and butter in the middle, Mads says, "Hey! I can like this now! It don't want to bother me!"
• Favorite shows/movies: Thunder & The House of Magic, Dora the Explorer, Home
• Favorite books: Julia's House for Lost Creatures, The Tree House that Jack Built, Tap Tap Bang Bang

A conversation with Mads

Me: "Mads, what are you thinking about?"

Mads: "Nothing, Mommy."

Me: "What's going on in your head?"

Mads: "Are there toys in there?" He places a hand on top of his head. "I can't get them. I can't get those toys."

"Tom Sawyer," Rush

Photo Journal | 365 | woke to the dawning of Osiris, see the world as it was new...

079/365 - Monday 18 January 2016, Martin Luther King Jr. Day | The hoary grip of death is upon us, or, just a paper thin layer of ice on the yard. Same dif; this is North Carolina we're talking about.

080/365 - Tuesday 19 January 2016 | We missed the RenFaire this past year--too much flux, not enough funds. By November 2016, I will have so much HUZZAH built up in my system. We're already planning costumes and itinerary. I'd wanted to dress Mads as Robin Hood, with the addition of a fox tail (because Disney's animated Robin Hood is, perhaps, my all-time favorite animated Disney film, and Mads loves it, too). But, then Mads discovered Jake and the Neverland Pirates and arrrrgh. Likely, we will attend the 2016 RenFaire with a pirate in tow. When the Raleigh Rescue Mission van pulled up to empty out our donation bin today, I saw Jake on the grill and had to run out and snap a photo, for my pirate at home.

081/365 - Wednesday 20 January 2016 | I have but three simple, daily goals in parenting my son: 1. Read to him. 2. Listen to music with him. 3. Go outside with him. Some days our outside time is rushed, like today. We went out about half an hour before I needed to be on the road to work. And Mads, the boyest of boys, traveled far into a thicket at the side of the house, a true thicket to be traversed only by the small, pliable bodies of children and cats. I couldn't follow him, could only kneel at the edge and coax him back to me when my time ran short. 

082/365 - Thursday 21 January 2016 | Oh, Winter.

083/365 - Friday 22 January 2016 | Woke to ice tinkling down over the house. Oh. Winter.

084/365 - Saturday 23 January 2016 | None of my dread over winter touches Mads, of course. He could care less about missed work and icy roads. He wants only to play, to explore, to be close to the people and things he loves. When I was a girl, winter was my favorite season.

085/365 - Sunday 24 January 2016 | Made a tiny snow man and stuck him in the freezer. We'll take him out in the spring and ritualistically melt him in the garden. We don't sacrifice animals or virgins for our magicks, just snow men.

"Tears Like Diamonds," The Sword